Redundancy & Being Shafted; Dealing With It - PART TWO
So we've already looked at the psychological 'hit' of being shafted, dealing with redundancy (or something like it) and generally feeling like life is completely against you. Next, we have to do something about it, whether that's finding a way to be great again, whole again or just finding a reason to get up in the morning.
We've been there - numerous times and we've had to learn a lot from other people and find out a lot for ourselves too. If there's something we all need to understand, it's how to deal with things like this...because it probably isn't the first for you and it won't be the last...but every time we learn something truly valuable and we grow stronger and move towards something far, far greater. It just might not seem that way at the time.
LEARN TO HAVE A REASON TO GET UP IN THE MORNING!
Yes because sometimes that's what it takes. We have 100 statements for positivity and why this is the best thing that could have happened but I doubt that’s what you want to hear right now. At all.
What you need is guidance for how tog et through this and how to move on...as well as the constant struggle for why this has happened to you, after how hard you've worked, sacrificed and why you didn't deserve this.
THIS IS NOW A PART OF EVERYDAY LIFE AND LOTS OF US DEAL WITH IT EVERY DAY.
Yes it's true, so what we're really saying is - let's sort it out.
It may feel like failure but it isn't. Unless you completely messed thing up for yourself and then it's probably more of a learning curve.
We can help you deal with the following right now:
- Dealing with disappointment
- Finding your motivation again
- Making a comeback - or simply just carrying on breathing
From the vast array of disappointments we've had as a collective, we do have to say that it gets easier. Not because we give up on trying to push ourselves but because dealing with things becomes more automatic and we understand the processes for things and have more faith.
Over time, we've learnt to not care as much, to accept that we're on the route to a much better path and we're not angry anymore (granted that's taken a really long time...)
Firstly, you have to look after yourself. We had always been really cynical of any new-age, worldly hoo-ha but after years all we can say is that....it really works.
Here's some tips for dealing with life and looking after yourself whilst you do the positivity stuff:
- Utterly going out of your comfort zone
This isn't a rare disorder - it's increasingly common. Sometimes you need to know when to help yourself and others.
We'll start with looking after yourself and then some "softer" skills per se in dealing with what's happened and how to get back...or maybe find something different to do. After that we'll be delving into the practical skills including those needed for interviews, auditions and generally moving forwards.
Looking after yourself and moving forwards
Mindfulness meditation can be especially helpful. This requires us to just observe our thoughts as if they were floating above us and unable to cause harm. Mindfulness meditation can be used to help treat depression and pain.
- Utterly going out of your comfort zone - Athletes challenge themselves every day – but not just through physical sport. The practice of breaking through your bubble of what you are comfortable with, purposefully doing something uncomfortable and even facing your fears can fill you with a sense of achievement and maybe even make you feel like anything is possible. Sure, uncertainty can increase our anxiety but that isn't always a negative thing.
- Sleep - it really is an understated necessity. The world's greatest champions live and breathe their sport seven days a week, 365 days a year. Yet it may surprise you that sleep plays a hugely significant role in the life of an athlete, both for rest and recuperation and athletic performance and competitive results. REM sleep, for example, provides energy to the brain as well as the body. If sleep is cut short, then the body and the mind do not have time to repair themselves, consolidate memory and release hormones.
You're going to need to reference those things a lot - they will look after you.
Here are some other key things you need to know about - and don't worry if they don't make sense at first - just keep reading!
Dealing with disappointment
We're not classing this specifically as a disappointment and certainly not as a failure - but the coping mechanisms are pretty similar. As with any kind of similar emotion, you need to breath, understand what you're feeling...and accept it....and then carry on.
For me, if you have truly worked as hard as you possibly can with every inch of your mind and body and did ABSOLUTELY everything, then how have you failed?
I have encountered a number of situations where this happened, when I did absolutely everything and things still didn't work out. I felt that I had failed because that seemed to be the only term for it. Some things are just out of our control and we need to accept that – but only after we are sure we have done absolutely everything and are sure that we have put our heart and soul into it.
We all have different definitions of failure. Whatever it is, make sure that you haven't unconsciously undermined your own efforts by trying to make sure that you don't open yourself to the possibility of any negative experiences.
That is the real fear of failure.
This kind of fear can be immobilising and can cause us to do nothing, try nothing and win nothing. When we allow the fear of failure to overcome us in this manner, we are going to miss some amazing opportunities.
Finding your motivation again
Motivation is the petrol in our body. Whilst we can perform at some level without it, a significant level of motivation has to come from deep within ourselves. We can never, ever, be outstanding without deep internal motivation. It's like in school, where there were children who had great natural ability and excelled at exams. But this seems to have no bearing on their success once they leave full-time education. Perhaps if we measured the probability of future performance in terms of grit rather than IQ, the schooling system may be quite different.
But are they really the people who are doing the best now?
It's not necessarily these people who do the best in life. If they have no internal drive then no matter what their natural ability, they will not win in the end. It tends to be those who work the hardest who push themselves to their limits that will come out on top at the end. The difference is that this kind of person has an intense personal motivation which helps to carry them through the hard times.
The stress and mental energy spent trying to deal with all of this will cause you to be unbelievably tired. It's incredible important to sleep and take regular breaks as your brain tries to retain new information and deal with stress.
Sleep is an understated necessity. The world's greatest champions live and breathe their sport seven days a week, 365 days a year. Yet it may surprise you that sleep plays a hugely significant role in the life of an athlete, both for rest and recuperation and athletic performance and competitive results. REM sleep, for example, provides energy to the brain as well as the body. If sleep is cut short, then the body and the mind do not have time to repair themselves, consolidate memory and release hormones.
Poor quality and quantity of sleep combined, compromises of the production of tissue regeneration, lowers immune system and even decreases cognitive processing.
Sleep can often be the first thing people sacrifice when they are busy or under pressure and poor sleep can be an early indicator of stress and anxiety that we are experiencing. We all need to normalise our sleeping patterns to maximise the all important recovery process.
Remember that all of these things will help you but it may way take a while for it to feel natural or to get into a routine with it. Next time we will be looking at some tangible skills to help you with interviews, goal setting, visualisation and much more.